Foto ini kuabadikan jam 5.17 pagi, tepatnya di tanggal 10 Juli 2024. Dan, selalunya membuatku bertanya-tanya di hari-hari berikutnya. Mengapa hanya ada satu bintang pada saat itu yang bertahan hingga pagi? Satu-satunya bintang yang cahayanya bertahan melebihi bintang lainnya. Terlebih dengan hamparan kosmik yang begitu luasnya, belum lagi cahayanya memakan waktu bertahun-tahun bahkan jutaan tahun, melewati ruang hampa angkasa hingga ia bisa menggapai bola mataku pada saat itu.
Fakta bahwa aku sedang berada di sana, pada waktu itu, melihatnya sedang memancarkan cahayanya... Apakah semua ini bisa hanya dibilang sebuah kebetulan? Atau memang takdir yang mempertemukan kita?
How did you even get here? You know that there's only death here, right? You shouldn't be here.
You shouldn't be here, my love...
Believe it or not. I dream about you, way, way, way, way, before I 'met' you.
Aku punya kebiasaan mencatat mimpi-mimpiku dari dulu, mungkin ini alasan kenapa aku bisa mengingatnya begitu jelas. Ada satu mimpi yang selalu kuingat jelas, bahkan sampai saat ini. Menandakan bahwa memang ini adalah mimpi penting, seakan ini adalah petunjuk dari semesta untuk menuju ke arahmu.
"Aku dapet lagi mimpi setelah sekian lama mendambakannya." Literally kalimat pembukaan dari catatan mimpiku yang satu ini.
12 Maret 2024, scene yang paling membekas dalam mimpi ini adalah ketika aku sedang menatap langit di malam hari, "Langit bagian sana aneh" kataku, lalu di antara pohon, bagian sebelah kanannya tiba-tiba muncul galaksi berwarna biru muda beserta bintang-bintangnya, langit jadi kayak kebelah gitu bersamaan dengan kemunculan galaksinya, cantik banget! Semakin lama, galaksi itu semakin membesar dan seakan mendekat, saking cantiknya sampai-sampai aku berdiri buru-buru mau ngambil foto. Ketika aku noleh ke belakang, ternyata ada perempuan caaantik banget yang rasanya dia adalah orang yang sudah lama aku sukai dan cintai intinya. Cuma siluetnya aja, tapi aku ingat betul siluetnya, dan bagaimana setiap lekukannya membentuk tubuhmu.
Lanjut tulisan mentah dari catatanku, "Seakan-akan galaksi yang muncul itu adalah metafora ke cewek ini, setelah itu ada banyak banget kembang api bermunculan di langit seberang kiri + konser gitu setelah dilihat-lihat and I was so happy dapet foto selfie dengan banyaknya kembang api itu." Mimpi berakhir di sini, lanjut dengan kalimat penutup, "Saking senengnya, I wake up, bruh."
Pohon, galaksi beserta bintangnya, terlebih siluet yang ada dalam mimpi itu... semua simbolisme menuju ke arahmu.
For context, you know that I am an hard N (Intuition) user, both (Ne and Ni) on cognitive function. And it still amazes me til now how every piece of us just syncs so well. Like, everything just feels effortless. Karena memang pada dasarnya lapisan kita sama, bahkan ketika aku melihat foto-foto masa kecilmu, energi kita sama! It's strange, but I can see my energy in you. I can feel my energy in you. That's why I can love you. Because I love myself that much.
Since you are an (Ne) user too, lihat sendiri, kan, bagaimana kita beresonansi? Saat "titik-titik" itu berkumpul? You know, me and you have this soul-connection type of shi', even the songs that you choose and discover represent us so well with every symbolism that the songs bring, it's like they were literally made for us. Keep introducing me to your songs references, I'll listen to them all day. You make me easier to yearn you, and thank you for that. Your ability to discover songs that represents us needs to be studied.
Oh, and don’t make me mention everything that’s similar between us, because I feel like there’s no end to it. You probably already noticed, but I also got those two beautiful teeth of yours (the gingsul ones) and one of your moles at the exact same spot. Also, not only our MBTI and zodiac match, but we are both Life Path 6! Isn't that so fokin bloody cool?! I discovered about life path recently by the way. (Yes, I know your number even when you try to hide it, just so you know. And no, not because of your today's story :p)
Did you even notice that we’re on the same Mobile Legends server? That’s how insanely in sync we are! Even though I’m not playing the game anymore. Kapan-kapan main bareng, ya? (I want to carry you so bad :p)
Juga banyak banget momen sinkronisasi yang lainnya. Contohnya juga belakangan ini, pernah nggak lihat api hijau dan biru? Aku beneran baru pertama kali seumur hidup ngeliat pakai mata kepalaku sendiri 5 hari lalu. Literally, dari kompor yang biasa aku masak apinya warna biru terus diselimuti warna hijau gitu, like how?!?!
Also, aku baru sadar hari ini bahwa I started journaling my references di tahun 2024! Berarti bersamaan dengan terjadinya foto (Juli) dan mimpi (Maret) di awal. Crazy. Entah kenapa di 2024 aku kepikiran aja mengumpulkan semua referensi hal-hal yang udah aku konsumsi, kesannya kayak seakan semua ini memang dirancang supaya kamu bisa tau aku tanpa kita berkenalan sekali pun hahahaha. Lebih gilanya lagi? Tepat di tanggal 26 Mei - Juni?! (Like wt...? I just realized this today, btw, ketika aku melihat playlist "ON F REPEAT"-ku). Padahal sebelum Mei 2024, aku tipikal orang yang jarang banget dengerin lagu, bahkan ketika jalan pagi sekali pun. Tapi entah kenapa di tahun itu aku mulai sering dengerin lagu dan memang intensinya ingin memperluas referensi lagu-laguku aja.
Like everything just starts to make sense now. It's insane how much we're align with each other. Our energy is like pulling each other. The fact that you are here dan membaca semua ini aja masih membuatku geleng-geleng.
Also, didn't you realize the phenomenon that happened on 1 May when the clouds showed their colors behind it? You make those colors pop!!! The symbolism, the metaphor, argh, the timing is crazy. Imagine if I discovered that one star photo that I took at the beginning was in June, which is your month. I'd probably be insane right now.
But seriously tho, there's no mystery to solve, there's no code to crack when everything is as clear as crystal. Because when you genuinely love something, everything flows. At least it is that way for me. That's why I don't even worry about a single thing when it comes to us in the future. I just learn to trust the unknown. Because that's how manifestation works. Semesta ingin kita berserah, bukan berharap.
This love comes very slow and steady, and it will only grow stronger. I even still remember the feeling when every green slowly reminds me of you, and of course, the blue one too...
What's meant for you will always find you.
The right things don't disappear, they pause, they circle back, and they choose you again. And I'm here not to anchor, but to stay. And I will stay. I still have so much to talk to you. But let's talk in real life someday. We can yap all day. Because somehow I have this heavy feeling that we're gonna meet someday. Until then, keep chasing your goals. You have so much potential to unlock. You will achieve all of your dreams.
Little do you know I'd be marking everyone who's trying to be you, and I'm gonna show it to you someday, like, look at how many people you've inspired, my love.
I love the way you express yourself, I love your latest MV, the way it's no cut and full of love in every second of it. I love your new logo. I love every one of your handcrafts. I love that blue dress you bought, I love your voice, I love everything about you, I wish I could say everything I love about you in front of you right now. I love everything you create!!!
Keep inspiring, keep expressing, I'll watch you from afar achieving all of your goals. I'll stay, don't you worry. Fly, darling. Fly. Fly as high as possible, I'm always gonna be with you in every cloud you see.
God, my heart aches so bad while I’m typing all of this.
Anyway, mau salak nggak? Hahaha...